I could use your help, please.
I have a precious friend who is facing a huge battle. Her daily routine has changed radically. She is in pain, and she feels abandoned by God. Some of her friends are also asking the question, “Where are you, God? Why is this happening?”
It seems we are helpless and clumsy in our efforts to help. Every person deals with such difficult situations in a different way – I recognize that. Some crave the presence of another person; others are more private and withdraw; still another might journal his or her thoughts and prayers; perhaps music is what ministers to the one who is hurting.
As my friends and I approach the 50s and 60s, I see more and more health challenges. Relationships and finances are other obstacles, but illness ranks among the greatest of the changes we encounter during this season of life.
How do you come alongside a friend or family member who is in such a fight? What have you learned from your experiences? Please share your insights or Scripture verses that have helped you.
I thank you.
I hear their concerns, struggles and tell them I will pray for them. It is very difficult to truly understand what they are going through without having gone through it yourself. Pray is the answer but being there for them to talk and lean on is also a great way to show your concern for them. Sometimes in the area of loneliness, all they need is just someone to listen. Guide them to a Christian counselor if they are dealing with grief. Guide them to someone that has been through what they are going through. 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 says that we are able to comfort others with the comfort that God has given us. This is why people that have lost a loved one are more willing to open up to someone that has been through the same situation. If you have already gone through some "stuff" in your life, seek out those that are going through the same things. It will strengthen your faith as well.
ReplyDeleteHi, Becky! it is always WONDERFUL to hear someone answer that question. I have a ministry for those who live with chronic illness, so have many resources at my web site Rest Ministries . I also have a little book, "Beyond Casseroles: 505 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend," and a Pinterest page (under Rest Ministries) that has "what I wish my friend knew" and "I want to help my ill friend" with ideas. The comments wont allow me to post any links, but email me if you would like more details. thank you for caring!
ReplyDeleteI thought I would add some specifics that you may be able to use right now.
ReplyDelete-Listen (even when it seems they have nothing to say, sometimes they just want silence and company to sit with them.)
-Explain that it does feel awkward at times, but you aren't going any where.
-Remember her family. What are her kids (even adult children) going through? What does the spouse need? Could you stay with her on a Saturday so he could get away and not worry about her?
-Be consistent with your presence, rather than worrying about presents. Gifts that can be creative are nice--I often send a card with a nice embroidered hanky and say, "it's okay to cry, but I thought you should do it in style." Another nice gift is to get matching mugs and tell her you will pray for her every morning when you use it and evening when you wash it and ask her to do the same for you. People can be uncomfortable with it being "all about them."
-Be careful what you promise. When you say, "I KNOW God is going to heal you because you are so faithful/good/worthy. . ." what happens when God doesn't physically heal? Some people really question their worth when they are not healed.
-Ask her what she would like/needs. Sometimes if an event is missed people may love to see photos, other times, this may upset them. Do they want to hear about it, not? maybe they do, but later?
-remember what is going on in her life. If a friend passes away, does she have someone to give her a ride to the service, even if she can only come for awhile? Does she have a granddaughter who has a birthday coming up and she wants a special gift, but just cannot go to the store right now and then to the post office. could you help with that? Is company arriving for the holidays? Would it be a gift to get a housekeeper to come for her so she doesnt have to worry about cleaning at all.
I hope these few tips help! It is lovely to hear what you and Dobson's are doing right now in Florida. I have great admiration for Dr. Dobson and am quite familiar with some of his writings since not only am a chronically ill mom but I have a VERY strong-willed child! LOL. Bless you!